Category Archives: Faith

Feb4

girls, GIRLS, gIRLs!

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As I approach the age of 40 and a milestone, I am claiming some expertise on this topic of girls. Women, Ladies, girlfriends, sistas, mujeres, however you chose to call them we have many things in common.

There are girlfriends from childhood, jr high and high school, relatives who are friends, college, bridesmaids, moms friends, 20’s friends, 30’s friends, 40’s friends, and I presume, lifelong friends, couple friends, church friends, neighbor friends, workout friends, and the list goes on.

I am so blessed to have people in my life in each of these and other categories. Now, I know  you shouldn’t classify friendship that way, but we all do. There are things you would only tell a childhood friend but never a fellow “mom” friend, there are things your couple friend tells you that you dare not tell a church friend or a 20’s friend.  If you are a woman reading this, you get it. Men, you probably get it, sort of, I know men friendships tend to be a bit different from ours.

You can also classify these friendships by the frequency of contact and communication. There are girls you talk to daily, weekly, yearly, every 5 years etc. The best of these to me, are those who regardless of the frequency of communication, the level of trust never wanes.

I am by nature overly optimistic, I love to believe and hope for the best in others, at all costs. With age, I have mellowed some on this point and had to face the stark reality that sometimes patterns and behaviors really do have meaning. I can choose to “defriend” these that are different from me, or appreciate them for what and who they are. It does cause a relative amount of “guarding” one’s heart, but those friendships can be salvaged and many time in crisis, either mine or the other person’s is when this occurs.

Many years ago, I was newly divorced and continued to meet other girls in this category. We all came together and formed an informal support group. We had fun, laughed, cried, ate, drank, suffered and celebrated together. It was a great time in my life and looking back gave me such a sense of purpose. One of the greatest human needs is to feel included and for us at the time, this was grand. We traveled together, raised kids and dogs together; supported each other as we ventured back out into the dating world, and some as they took a sabbatical from dating.

There was nothing that could come between us, there were about 7-10 of us at any given time, some moved into town, some moved away. I always remember that when I was tired or the social calendar did not include something of utmost interest to me, I told myself, this wave may not last so enjoy the good times.  I was in my late 20’s and early 30’s and although I had been through a lot, I guess I still had a bit of naivety in me.

As conflict came, some thrived and we pulled together, some withdrew and others couldn’t understand that method. Some were more private, some told our small town everything they did including what they ate for breakfast that day, and if the bartering was high, they would disclose their info on others in the group in exchange for a juicy tidbit of “small-town gossip.”

I’m not really sure exactly when it all fell apart, but it did. It was very heartbreaking to many involved and such a shame and a waste. I suppose like any relationship, as the differences became more distinct, they were focused on and ultimately what caused the demise of a wonderful sisterhood.

I had never had natural sisters and these ladies were the closest thing I ever had. Again, even though I only keep in touch with about half of them now, and what wonderful friends they are I might add, I wouldn’t trade all the shared times together of the whole group.

The communication analyst in me always wonders though, the sequence of events that led to this. One of the girls always told me I was her first friend after she had gone through some rough times and her former friends gave up on her.  I was also there for her when she hid in the closet after breaking up with her long-term boyfriend…yes, these are adults I am talking about.

Maybe the differences were what eventually ended it all, and I suppose that is ok. I’m just a “fixer” type of person and never like for there to be conflict. It took me a while to get over the majority of these losses. I know it is a harsh part of reality, but it’s still such a shame and such a waste.

Girlfriends and friendships that stand the test of time have a few things in common. I would say the first is trust. You always believe that they have your best interest in mind and don’t believe they would ever intentionally hurt you. On the rare occasion they do, you can tell them straight up and get it off your chest before it festers, and know the friendship will not suffer because of your honesty.  Foresight, you are always looking out for each other for possible roadtraps–giving warning signs when you see danger ahead. They are interested in your life and aren’t so self consumed that they only always talk about themselves. They trust you enough TO talk about themselves. They make you feel better about yourself and don’t tear you down, face to face or behind your back. When you are in crisis mode, without a doubt, they drop everything and support you–even if it is miles away or just over the phone. They are never threatened when you look your best, they even encourage it and it inspires them to look their best too.

My advice given by an old pastor: if you WANT a friend, BE a friend. My other advice, treasure and cherish and nurture those friendships because good friends are valuable. If you are reading this and feel like you don’t have a friend in the world, don’t be discouraged, I’ve been there and yes it’s very hard. It doesn’t have to stay that way, but you do have to be willing to live with the “humanness” of others. None of us is perfect, but the best thing about friendships and great relationships is, forgiveness.

Jun1

June 1, and where have I been?

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June 1, and where have I been?

Well, I was quite upset yesterday when I accidentally deleted my copy in an effort to make my photo larger.

I have a much better attitude today and decided I will try to re-word my thoughts from this post, only because I think they were somewhat worthwhile.

I began by saying, ”

June 1 and where have I been?

Funny you should ask, or funny that I would think you would ask?

I have been traveling across continents and across our own continent. I love to travel and for reasons I don’t always understand I am inspired when I travel.

Steve and I, toe to toe.

At times it is from the scenery I take in, and I have always been a visual learner. Other times it is from people watching, or searching my thoughts on the long plane rides. And at times it is on my quest to understand the unfamiliar.

I have many goals and dreams to get busy on and as I look at the calendar, (yesterday) June 1, makes me realize that this year is about half over. No time like the present to get busy, so I challenge you as well, to make your goals happen!!

For more details on our recent travels, check out my husbands blog:

http://stevenwwatkins.wordpress.com/

or our newest venture: http://latitudeone.wordpress.com/about/

Steve conquers the rock